My Blogless Blog

I am fully aware that I am breaking every blogging rule, ever. I had great plans for this blog when it started. I want to thank you for being graciously patient with me. Over the past 3 years, God has been leading to do a writing project. Out of fear and intimidation, I put if off for two years. I finally submitted since He was relentless. The writing began in January and was planned to be completed by now. However, isn't it just like Him not to allow me to just write, but to learn as I write. After all, I cannot teach what I am not learning. Ironically, I thought I had already learned the message of this writing project, but He has shown me otherwise. All of that to say, it has taken me much longer than anticipated because of the painful purging and praying that's had to take place in my own heart through the process of this project. I tell you all of this because as much as I've wanted to focus on this blog, God has not allowed me to focus on anything but said project until it is completed. My mind is honestly consumed. So please don't abandon me! I hope that it only takes a few more months and by the end of the summer I can really get going. I am slowly beginning to see what direction I am to take this blog of which I see as a ministry. Somehow, this writing project is preparing me for whatever God is leading me to do with this blog. I know that I am being entirely vague and I honestly do not wish to share what this crazy project is just yet, but I covet your prayers. Until I can begin really  blogging, I will post my random, sporadic posts.

4 Days Dead

Last night, Tim and I experienced the greatest joy parents can ever know. Our third child understood his sin in the presence of the Holy God and accepted the salvation of Christ. There is no greater blessing God gives than to know that my family of five will be eternally together. We have prayed for this day since before we became parents. The death of sin truly has been defeated. And my son woke up today in his new life in Christ. He will walk the remainder of his days in the new mercies of God each day. Just as his name, Evan, declares, my prayer is that my son knows fully that “The Lord is good.” As I rejoice, my heart and mind think on these weeks that have followed Easter, the day we celebrate our glorious hope. I am reminded that there is no resurrection without the crucifixion. Death brings life. Lazarus was given a glimpse of such life after death understanding. He was four days dead but the power of Christ prevailed and new life was given to him. We are all Lazarus, dead and in need of resurrection. Most certainly, our souls are dead and our victorious Savior gives us life through His own death. But we are whole people. Not only are our souls dead, but our entire being died that sad day of the fall. Until then, no depressed emotions, fear filled minds or anxious hearts existed. Death invaded. But God resurrects. My soul is revived when Jesus gives His new life. Furthermore, the power of His resurrection is for this weak and wandering heart, this fearful and faithless mind. I am truly, wholly dead. Dead in my disappointments and depressions and doubts. He cries out my name, commands me to rise and walk in His new life. As Christians, we miss that His resurrection is for all of me. I, too, am four days dead. The sin of my doubts, the pains of my heart, the thoughts of my mind need His resurrection power. Daughter of God Most High, He has the power to bring life to that which is dead. So many days, I drudge forward, defeated. Will I allow Him to breathe His new life in me? Do not misunderstand me to say that we are never in need of help through medication or counseling. My point is simply that we live as though how we are in our minds and hearts is okay. We dismiss or accept our struggles. No. We are to live as redeemed daughters. We do not have to walk in the deadness of who we are. Pride, bitterness, anger, self-righteousness, anxiety, anger, guilt, shame, self-sufficiency, hopelessness. Those are death and destruction to our hearts and minds. He wants us to walk in the life of His grace, forgiveness, peace, patience, joy. If His life is not evident in my own, I am still a dead man walking. My soul may be saved, but death still reigns. He gives life and if He is not Lord of me wholly, death is ruling. He died for me to live, not just someday up there, but today right here. Where has sin and satan brought death and destruction in your life? What emotions, desires and thoughts need to be put to death so that in them, you can experience the victory of His resurrection? Let Him bring life to you, wholly.   

What I'm Learning This Easter

As Tim and I are going through the Easter story this week with our kids, I’ve learned so much from its players. It is not possible to read the incredible accounts of Passion Week without examining our own relationship with the Messiah. Am I Mary? Or Peter? Or the Crowd? Or Judas, who was so close to the Messiah yet never knew Him. As a family, each day, we are reading the account in chronological order. There’s just something about following Christ through the week that makes those final three days all the more amazing. Every single year, my heart learns more truth about my Savior in our journey through His last week.


During the early part of the week, probably Wednesday, Mary breaks a jar of perfume worth an entire year’s wages and dumps the contents on the Messiah’s head. Then she washes His dirty feet with her hair. The men are appalled. What is incredible is that Mary seemed to be the only one who “got it.” But I appreciate the inclusion of her humanity in the midst of her great faith. Read the account of Lazarus in John 11. At first, she stayed away. Her sister ran to Him, but she was too hurt. Thank you. Thank you that I am not the only one who cowers at pain and hides from Him. Then she boldly approaches her Savior, asking “where were you when I needed you most?” She doesn’t suddenly have some experience of great faith. She just wants answers. She wants to know where He was. She wants to know why this happened. Secretly, we have all felt this way at some point. She had the audacity to admit her feelings of abandonment. She had the faith for her brother to be healed; that’s why she was so hurt. If He would have just come, her brother would have never died. But He didn’t. And he did. She was heartbroken, both by her loss and by her confusion. He had an even greater glory in store, but in that moment she could not see. She could not see that this pain would produce great joy. She could not see that this tragedy would result in a faith that she would desperately need just a few days down the road. She didn’t want down the road, she didn’t want to learn something. She just wanted her brother to be healed. She wanted to be released from this pain. We have much to learn from this incredible woman. This experience is what allowed her to saturate her Savior with her most sacred possession. The only moment of joy and worship Jesus experienced during His final week of life is from her. She saw the death and resurrection of her brother and finally understood: this is exactly what He did in my heart and this is exactly what He is about to do in my place. She wanted it all to stop and He wanted her to stop; stop to grasp the truth of her state and the purpose for His death.  He was giving her understanding for the events that were about to take place. He was preparing her to see beyond the pain of His death, declaring to her, “Something greater is coming, just trust Me.” So often I find myself just as Mary, asking the question, “Where were You?” My limited perspective causes doubt. Ultimately, her trust in Him triumphed over her confusion, resulting in the most incredible act of worship we see in Christ’ time on earth. What a Savior, that even though He knew what He was doing, He stepped into her pain. “Jesus wept.” He didn’t condemningly say, Good grief just trust Me. He didn’t rebuke her. He didn’t scold her for a lack of faith. He understood. Knowing the heart of a woman, I think that’s what led to such extravagant worship. Mary’s progression of faith begs the question, do I allow myself to move from that place of hurt and confusion and doubt to a place of such sacrificial worship? Ultimately, she simply trusted. And her eyes were opened. And she gained an insight that no other follower grasped.
 

I pray that during this Holy Week, you stop, as well. Stop to see your Savior. Stop to experience His resurrection. Allow yourself to understand that He allows pain, but it is always for a purpose. And it’s ok for you to ask why. And He will understand.


I decided to do an Easter Story Basket this year for our journey through Passion Week, using an element each day to tell the story that the kids place in the basket. I will post the Easter Basket Bible study I wrote, along with each day’s activities. It will be too late for you to use for this year, but perhaps it will spur you to create an intentional week of focus for next year. Blessings to you this Easter.

Prayer Through the Tabernacle

I wrote this prayer series for a New Year’s prayer emphasis that the women’s ministry of our church hosted. When preparing for the 4 week prayer study, my mind was going in one direction, but God was pulling me in another. After much struggle and stubbornness, God was finally able to get through to me. This came at a deeplyspiritually purging time in my own life; my heart and mind were at war with God’s peace. As a pastors' wife, satan often fights my husband through me. Satan and I were in a war, but God’s word proved, yet again, its truth: He has given me all I need for victory, I can stand by way of His armor. The choice to walk in His Spirit rather than my flesh or Satan’s lies had to be made. It was an exhausting week, but in my weakness He was made strong. A few months earlier, I had the joy of attending a ministers’ wives conference (praise the Lord there are times where we can be ministered to as we are constantly pouring out!) where the speaker led a prayer through the tabernacle. I was participating in the prayer, so I had nothing written down from the prayer time (I suppose that’s a good thing). I knew, however, that I was to begin this month of prayer for the women of our church with praying through the tabernacle. My husband had just preached through the Bible chronologically the previous year, thus we had read in Exodus the description of the tabernacle and then saw that come to life in Hebrews with Jesus as our High Priest. God’s timing was clear. So the study, research and writing began. How thankful I am that I did not miss this incredible opportunity to be taken to the throne of God Most High or sharing in this precious time with our women. As I was studying and listening and praying, God began to show me so many truths about our prayer relationship with Him. He created the design for the tabernacle in such an intentional way. Our prayer life is in desperate need for the same intentionality. I began to realize how this process through the tabernacle purifies my motives and prepares my heart to enter His presence. The depths of my soul began to grieve at how much I’ve missed in my relationship with God, how often I’ve attempted to enter His presence with my requests but have failed to recognize truly who He is or enjoy His peace or have so arrogantly failed to considered my motives. It is recognizing the reality of the gospel in my life, who He is and who I am, that my sinful state has been atoned, that I am now declared righteous by way of Christ in the presence of the Holy God. When we begin to realize the intentional process God created for this progression through the tabernacle, we begin to realize how crucial this process is for our personal prayer life. Prayer is our relationship with God, all else is the overflow. This process, when done from a heart seeking Him rather than merely following some steps, puts our hearts and minds in correct posture to enter His presence wholly, purely, longingly; no walls, no doubts, no restlessness, no fears, no pride. It is through this process that I am able to hear Him say, “Come and talk with me” and my heart is able to respond, “Lord, I am coming.”  He waits for you to come to Him so that He can show to you His love and compassion. And so let us enter His presence.

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This prayer guide can be used as a personal devotion or done as a group study. I ask that you reproduce this document only for personal use.

My Love-Hate Relationship with Valentine's Day

I have a confession to make....I have a slight disdain for Valentine's Day. Oh, I adore celebrating love. My mantle is decorated, my front door adorned, my table set all with pinks and reds and hearts. I love love. I love having an out of the ordinary day of red velvet heart shaped pancakes and candlelit dinner with my family of 5. What I hate is the superficial demand placed on men to buy flowers and chocolates and bears. It's become a comparison game of whose husband does the best; my husband is better than yours, he bought bigger flowers, better chocolates, so I must be loved more than you. Nonsense. I'd rather have 365 days of thoughtful, faithful, simple love than one day of "I better get her something or I'll be in trouble" love. Why can't we see that this absurdity all derives from our need for validation? If I get an over the top, romantic gift, I am incredible. If he fails, I'm nothing. Perhaps that's slightly extreme, but for many women it's precisely true. Several years ago, I chose to take a different approach to this beloved day. After all, I can't walk away from the delight of decorating for this sweet day! As a family, we celebrate God's love on this day. Not to sound overly spiritual. But, after all He is love, the author of this incredible gift. Apart from Him, love is a self-seeking, self-serving pursuit of empty romance. I celebrate my husband on this day, but through the lense of God's love for me. We would have nothing if it were not for God's love for us and in us. And I will be delighted when I do not receive flowers and chocolates ( I told him years ago to stop wasting the money....seriously. And no, I do not get my feelings hurt. They really aren't allowed on this day.). I want my kids to know lasting love, Song of Solomon love. I do not want their concept of love to be formed by the hopeless idea this world offers. So, tonight we will play Valentine's minute to win it and we will have a candlelit fondue dinner for five and we will teach them from God's word about God's love, true love, Song of Solomon love. And everyday, through the good and bad, they see their dad love their mom. And they know it's because of Him. And I pray that we drive them to pursue the God who is love and gives love. Only in Him is love fully, wholly, found and only through Him do these earthly, fallen relationships provide a measure of joy and wonder and romance. We have this all backwards. We've traded His love for other love. The love we are given in this life are to be glimpses, not replacements, of His great love. My prayer for my precious 3 children is that they would know the width and length and depth and height of the love of Christ that passes all understanding.

"Let me hear, in the morning (and every morning), of your steadfast love." This is our hope as women. When we awake, each day, to the reality of His steadfast love, we are not desperately hoping for the love of another.

Have a blessed Day of Love. I hope to post next week about our festivities for the day. The kids are out of school Friday and Monday so I'll not be on here for a few days.

UPDATE: It's Easter and I'm finally posting pictures of our Family Fondue Feast!

We feasted on a candlelit cheddar fondue dinner complete with steak strips, shrimp, potato logs, pretzel bread sticks and roasted veggies! I froze pink punch as ice cubes to put in our sprite :)

All food items, of course, were found on sale/reduced (fine dining done on the cheap delights me!). This was a very simply supper and the kids raved! This was a memory they won't soon forget.

We had to let our stuffed tummies settle so we played 5 rounds of heart themed Minute-To-Win-It games! Abbi was the overall winner! This was not all hearts and love as I have a competitive crew, but we did share lots of laughs!











We ended our family fun with indulgent dessert! Chocolate fondue with strawberries, heart marshmellows and red velvet cake balls. Oh my, it was divine! Again, this was super simple (and cheap) which was all the more delightful :)

Oh yes, that is Abbi turning our candlelit dessert into a marshmellow roast!

My Unchecked To Do List

Nothing about this year has gone according to plan. At the beginning of January, I spent several hours updating my home manager, restructuring my monthly/weekly/daily schedule to allow for some goals I want to accomplish this year and also to help me be more productive; you know, like daily blog posting. You realize this is February 7 and this is first post of the year, right?! And nothing, I mean not one single thing, has gone according to plan. With a sigh of relief, I can say than it’s not entirely due to me (already) slacking, but due more to unexpected things that have come up. Of course, this recovering perfectionist allowed myself to get to an utter, epic failure frame of mind. My sweet Savior has begun to speak gently, quietly to my heart over the past few days, reminding me that, “Many are a man’s plans, but it is the Lord who directs his steps.” I may not be getting one single thing accomplished that I had hoped, but the interruptions and changes have not been annoying irritations to my plans but rather His plans. I am in no way attempting to justify my lack of productivity. I simply needed a refocus. My youth minister in high school taught us on a mission trip to “Be Flexible. Be Yielded.” That phrase has been invading my mind during the past week of this epic failure pity party I’ve been throwing. I do not believe God is giving me a free pass to be lazy or unproductive. That would contradict His word. What He is trying to teach me (I think-I'm a slow learner) is that I need to be flexible in my plans and yielded to Him. I’ve had it backwards. I’ve been yielded to my plans. Do you know how good it feels to cross every single item off a To Do List?! Yes, today I have a list of things that I need to get done, however my “plan” for what I should accomplish, according to my Home Manager, on this Thursday of the first week of the month is not going to happen. An important truth of delighting in everyday life is allowing God to guide my day. Of course we must get up and go to work, if we work and get laundry done and meals prepared for our family. God isn’t going to lead us to neglect our responsibilities. What I mean, especially for us over-achievers, is that in our attempt to be organized, planned, productive, we leave God out. Then when He meets us in our day, wanting to accomplish something in us or through us, we feel as though our space has been invaded. Oh yes, I know all about the psychology of human nature and that we will never achieve our goals if we do not take steps to work towards them, but today is all I have to honor God and walk in step with Him. Perhaps that is just it; our goals are self-centered rather than God-centered. Maybe my goals are really vain attempts to feel a sense of worth and control. Just maybe all the things I want to get done, those adorably cute ,Pinterest projects and perfectly organized home, look nothing like what He wants to get done through me today. Delighting in my everyday life is not about having my life perfectly together, but rather allowing Him to accomplish His perfect plan. The unexpected phone calls, the sick child, the sudden burden to pray; having my eyes open to how He is wanting to work through me and my heart receptive to how He is wanting to work in me should be my goal for this day. As I move through my to do list of responsibilities, He must become my frame of mind. It is possible that a half marked To-Do list is delightful after all?